Throughout my childhood, the word “husband” always carried a meaning that was rooted in ideas of respect, comfort, and security. To me, it belonged to a nurturing role that stemmed from love and kindness. And although not every man embodied such a sophisticated combination of these attributes, I realized as I evolved into a young woman, and eventually a grateful married middle-aged person, that in fact, there were men in my life that were so decent, they gave me hope that the plight of women could result in respect and admiration…such a far away concept from the sentiment of disregard, and even invisibility that was front and center for the reality of so many of the “weaker gender.”
It was so obvious as I left my sheltered childhood home, where male figures such as my brothers, father, and grandfathers always handled me with gentle respect, that the real raw and harsh world was filled with male figures that simply couldn’t see the true potential of a woman. At least not beyond the limited utility of their physical roles as partners, mothers, housekeepers, and breadwinners. Experiences in a myriad of environments in grad school, the workplace, community settings, and even in my own family structure showcased the whole gambit of who men thought they were in respect to women. There was an incredible mix of regard that included a range of behaviors exhibiting honest respect to hypocritical acceptance, and downright disdain.
Women in most settings have had to earn respect through making their attributes visible, and especially in the workplace, proving they are superior. The idea that such respect is automatically given by men remains rare. I can’t help but wonder if men proceeded with kind regard, what roles women could rise to…and if they could do so without experiencing the journey of defensive resent. Fighting for essential rights, let alone equal ones, has always been a part of a women’s plight to be recognized as independent individuals that matter. And as such an identity has evolved for so many, it hasn’t come without side effects. An overwhelming movement of a brand of feminism to not need men anymore, has risen to the top. With it has come the need for many to prove they can actually do it without men. No doubt, some don’t have a choice, as their male figures have let them down. But for some, the notion of disregarding them completely has come from a lack of experiencing positive male role models in their own lives or in the lives of their matriarchal reference points.
So this side effect seems to be leading to the disintegration of respect in men overall…an unfortunate disappearance of wanting or even needing men in mutually fulfilling relationships. Does this render women to be superior to men in their minds? If so, has that not flipped the patriarchal paradigm that women have struggled to change? Sadly, the female race may stand to lose out on the attributes of good men. Indeed they exist…my inspiration to write comes from the utter regard I received as an individual from the men around me. Mind you, I fought my mini-battles, but made my words and my thoughts heard to my male counterparts! My urgency to advocate for giving men a chance stems from the idea that the relationships that shaped my view of men also molded my approach toward raising my son, and fostering a notion of kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect toward women. It was my father’s esteem for my mother, and her mutual respect for him, that taught me how to show kind regards to my husband…thus closing the loop.
We have the power as women to change generations of subjugation, disrespect, harassment, inequality….the list goes on and on. At some point and time, a male child was raised. Whether it was a village or two parents, or just one, the deliberate, conscientious, focused rearing of young people who understand the concept of respecting all individuals for who they are and what they are capable of…this is what matters most. And this is how we shape the generations to come.
~Scribesquill
Walking On Glass 